Cycle

October 23, 2011

Sadness falls upon the world like the darkness of night.
Melancholy blows over the hills like a light breeze.
Hope, joy and freedom elude us like butterflies.
Suffocating in the hopelessness of life.
The people of the world cry.
Tears fill the streams and rivers.
The flowers curl over as if weeping.
Bleakness fuels the world, like electricity.
Sorrow befit for a King.
And every breath filled with misery.
The desolation becomes too much.
The laughter, the fun, the point, evades the planet.
A sombre sun rises…
Repeat.

All the Monsters

September 4, 2011

Cold heart forgotten in shadows.
A frozen soul, a poisoned breath.
A cancer that grows through your veins.
The leaf that falls. The tree that dies.
The wind that howls and an ocean that stings.
A raging dance, a tornado of emotion.
All the souls sing… Mine is quiet.
An orchestra of screeching death.
The rumbling stomach of the Earth.
It’s heart beats slower as the light from the sun dies.
The souls bark at me, like wild dogs.
I am Silent.
No words protrude my lips.
Cold winter silences the others. We can sleep now.
All the monsters are gone.

Only Rain

May 20, 2011

Thoughts; they wander back and forth like leaves in the wind. Wise men once postulated: “To accept the truth you must believe the lie.” And life makes fools of us all.
Life and death are just a thought, an idea, and we are all just rain, falling towards our destination.
The final thought.
The last sunrise before an eternal sunset.
Golden skies paint our dreams. You have only ever been dust.
But you were beautiful.
And tomorrow men, women and children will wake and smell the rain soaked grass, and they will smile.
This is only a thought. And I find you beautiful.
The last leaves fall in Autumn.

The Woods

February 18, 2011

I am standing in the woods.

It is dark. But I can see clearly as the moon breaks through the tree tops.

I… don’t know where I am. It is possible I am dreaming.

I hear the sound of running water and look to my right to see a running stream. The water is crystal clear.
Almost begging you to drink it.

There is no noise. No wind. No chirping of birds or croaking of frogs. No rustling of leaves.
Silence.

I look around. I am not alone. I see the silhouette of rabbits and owls sleeping in the branches.
The rabbits see me watching and hop away… they make no noise… there is only the running water.

I open my mouth to speak… but I don’t. This isn’t a place of human words.

The light of the moon cloaks me, and I move towards the stream.
My feet make no sound until I hit the water.
It is as cold as ice.

I am in the middle of the light. Seeing where it encircles.
I see figures, watching me from the thick of the wood. Figures that move as swiftly as shadows.

The circle of light surrounding me grows smaller… collapsing in on me as the creatures move out of the trees and closer, hidden still, within the dark.
It grows smaller, and smaller until there is almost no light left, just the moons spotlight on me. And the dust floating through the light.

I cannot hear the creatures. But I can feel them, I can feel their presence, their breaths.
Soon the light will be gone. I fall back and sink into the depths of the cold stream. They will not follow me.

I stay down, in the darkness. In the freezing cold. I feel the flow of the water as the stream carries me.
I hold my breath for what feels like eternity.
And lift myself from the water. I do not breath. It is much too cold to breath. The water has slowed here. And I lay in a shallow puddle.
I look around. I am in a clearing of grass. Black grass that waves gently as if there was a breeze.
I feel no breeze here.
I get up and walk around. There are no animals here. A few tree stumps. And now I cannot even hear the river.
I see a dark path forming between the trees. A path.
I follow it.
I walk on. Hours pass. Years maybe. Time is irrelevant here.
I see a red light up ahead. A reddish glow, unworldly.
As I get closer I see what it is.
A rose. A beautiful red rose. Black outlines around the edges of the petals.
The sight of this rose makes my eyes water. Such an indescribable beauty.
A beauty neither human words nor melodies could describe.
It was something truly mystical that had the presence of a force not bound to be kind to man.
I began to hear. Sound, like pebbles dropping.
I looked and saw my tears freeze as they fell hitting the ground as stone.

I feel my stomach churn. Claustrophobia sets in. I feel the woods crushing in on me.
I run.
Wildly through the forest.
The trees sink towards me. The forest will consume me.
I break through a thicket, smashing myself through a barrier of thorns.
I am on an open plane. The moon is hidden behind the clouds, but stars light the sky. The field stretches out for miles. In the distance I see the shadows of horses running free.
Small droplets of rain fall onto my face.
Around me they fall as tears.
I wipe the water from my face.
It smells of milk and honey.
The majesty of this world…

“My soul is a dark forest. My known self will never be more than a little clearing in the forest. Gods, strange gods, come forth from the forest into the clearing of my known self, and then go back. I must have the courage to let them come and go….”

I hear the sound of a piano. Beautiful sad tunes… The world around me reacts. I feel it cry with me at the sad tunes. And I see it… the sun rising in the distance… the dew on the grass and a soft breeze blows my neck.

And I know. And I understand.

Darkness of the Unknown

December 20, 2010

O death, where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory?
(1 Corinthians 15:55)

Men fear Death, as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other. ~Francis Bacon, Essays

“I wont ever be what you want me to be.”
“You’re not human. You will never be a human. Lord of the Darkness. Destroyer of Worlds.”
“No. I am human. You know why? I may not be able to dream and you can say I don’t have a soul. But I that’s not what makes someone human.”
“Oh,” says the darkness that haunts me “What makes you a human?”
“The ability to look back at things in life, the ability to see situations and wonder. Wonder, what if? What if you’d hadn’t said or done something. Regret. That’s how I know I’m human, how I know I have a soul. And you can say I’m not a human. That I’m this monster, this lord of the darkness. But I will never, NEVER be what you want me to be!”
“Hmm.” The stitched faced being says to me. Scratching his face.
We stand in the centre of tar road. Willow trees line the streets side. There are no stars, no moon, it is complete darkness but some soft light from a lamp post.
“What is a monster?” asks the being. “Humans are close. They kill for fun. Butcher innocents. But you. You are less then they. You cannot dream. You are my son. Born in darkness. Others are born in the light. Or some at night. You see, some say that darkness doesn’t exist. That there is light. And absence of light. This isn’t true. There is light. Absence of light, and us. And you can feel it. Feel it grow.”
I feel it.
I feel an evil overcoming power inside me. I feel the intense darkness. I feel it grow inside me.
“No!” I scream. “I will NEVER be what you want me to be!”
The creature moves towards me, truly not of this world.
His face is close to me, I feel his breathing, like death had turned into air. I feel the cold of it touch my skin, I feel it’s cold sting, I feel death. I stare into the white pits of his eyes. Though they are complete white I feel the dark. I can see it. Unexplainable the darkness within his soul. This creature. My creator. My father…
“I. Will not. I wont.”
He smiles. I feel his grin in my heart. I feel it like a dagger.
“You cannot outrun fate.” He whispers. The cold stench of death on his breath stings my face. “You cannot out run death,” he hisses. “You cannot outrun ME.” He groans.
His rough charcoal burnt arm reaches out. Entering my stomach I feel a squeeze. My eyes widen in fear and pain.
“You were right.” He chuckles. “You did have a soul. But, I destroyed it. I’m very disappointed in you son.” He says.
He removes his arm. I feel my life fleeing from me like air escaping from a balloon.
He begins to walk away, up the road. Into the thickest of the dark. Tears drain from my eyes, I try to scream, try to beg, the life dies, and all I feel is fear.
He turns his neck, I cannot see his face.
“You could… always change your mind?”
“Fuck… you.” I whisper.
“Hmm, so be it.” He says and walks off, vanishing from my view.
I feel the last of my life existing my body, I feel cold and lose all feeling. The thoughts from my mind become muddled. I lose focus and feel my face plough into the pavement. It doesn’t hurt. And slowly all becomes fuzzy. The last thing I hear is the slow, rhythmic breathing of the creature from the darkness. Death.

‘What If?’

November 3, 2010

The cold concrete steps beneath me as I sit, watching the passers by.
My train has not arrived yet.
She walks down the stairs across the platform with her friend.
Her blonde hairs falls from her head, lush and graceful.
She tries to walk across the platform and I smile. She cannot walk in heels.
She looks at me and we smile at each other.
I continue to sit as a cool breeze blows against my neck.
I remove my hat and shuffle my hands through my hair. The breeze is nice.
I pull my phone out and inspect the time.
There is still time.
Still time until my train arrives.
I glance over at the girls, I see them glance back and giggle.
I smile to myself and change the song on my iPod.
Children finishing school rush past me, yelling at each other.
I cannot hear them but watch as they race in time to my music.
A freight train passes as I tip my head back against the white poles along the stairs.
I close my eyes and let go.
I feel the wind and the sound of a fading freight as I slip away from reality.
The train passes and the song changes. I check the time.
I still have time.
The girl gets up and begins to walk over, I could swear she looked at me.
But my cynicism tells me she will pass.
She is next to me now. I see her smooth white legs in front of me.
My heart beats.
Could she stop?
She stops. She turns and kneels down next to me and begins to talk.
I remove my headphones and talk back.
She is beautiful.
And we chat friendly. I wonder how this could happen, and why, and my heart races.
I mumble and say everything wrong.
I panic under pressure.
I try to take in all the information, but my brain is lapsing.
What did she say her name was?
It was like a dream and when you wake, try as you might to remember, it slips falling through a void.
A void where you can never reach it, in the empty crevices of your mind.
I try to remember. But I can’t. It’s like trying to catch wind with your hands.
Soon the time comes and the train arrives.
I wish I had more time.
I have forgotten, and no matter how far and wide I search I still cannot find what I am looking for.
If only the time on my phone moved in reverse.
If it gave me more time.
If I could have said what I thought, what I meant… what I truly felt.
Would that have been so wrong?
But time goes on. Forward. Seconds lead into minutes. Minutes lead into hours. Hours lead into days.
And the next time you wake you lose a little bit more.
Sometimes I wonder… when we die… do we perhaps live again?
Do we simply relive life, over and over again, without the knowledge that this has all happened before?
With that dying thought being ‘What If?’
With no memory we repeat our lives. Repeat our mistakes.
But with that nagging feeling in the back of our minds.
Has this happened before?
Or was it, perhaps, a dream?

Sundae Thoughts

September 23, 2010

In California at 6:42 AM, a big fat man- and when I say fat, I mean really fat, like he makes obese people look anorexic because he’s so fucking fat- sits in McDonalds gobbling up 9 Big Macs, 7 large fries, 2 triple cheese burgers, 4 bacon cheese burgers, 6 McChicken burgers, 14 large Red Fanta’s, 3 caramel latte’s with 4 sugars, 19 chocolate muffins, and last but not least, 27 chocolate Sundaes. It is a Saturday. As the man devours his feast, (feast for you maybe, but for him, merely an appetiser). He gobbles his food vigorously, oblivious to the world around him. But curious, the brain inside in fat head is functioning, and he is using it. This is what he thought:
“It’s Saturday today, omnomnom, and I’m eating a Sundae, omnomnom, it’s so god damn delicious, omnomnom, I wonder, if it’s Saturday here, omnomnom, and I’m eating a Sundae, omnomnom, could it be SUNDAY elsewhere? Omnomnom.”
Of course, the man across the table on his way to work, who dropped in to enjoy a nice cup of coffee, watched in a horrified trance as this planet devoured all that food.
“My god” he thought “What a fat fuck.”
He then proceeded to drink his coffee and escape as soon as possible; on his way to work his was hit by a bus and killed. But that is another story.
The Hippo inside McDonalds was nearing the finish of his meal. Releasing a glorious fart and scratching his rectum he then proceeded to waddle (or roll) his way out of the restaurant. Of course as stupidly obese as he was he did have a brain, and he liked to use it. This is what he thought as he waddled:
“I wonder…. How many sea shells DOES she sell on the sea shore?”
He then proceeded to a fish and chip shop to eat 20 crumbed fish and some crab cakes. The owner could only watch in horror, hypnotised by the wobbling of his fat flaps, later recalling to people how it had it’s own rhythm, kind of like the ocean.
The fat man, who curiously enough had not yet been named (we shall henceforth call him Tim), continued his treacherous walk to the beach, upon where a lonely Japanese man (curiously named Ahab) mistook him for the evil white whale (Moby Dick) and struck him down with a harpoon.
Tim, who in the shock of having a harpoon go flying through his stomach, then proceeded to realise all the McDonalds he had eaten out of his rear, spraying out like a blowhole all over Ahab, who later recalled that the incident was ‘horrifyingly euphoric’ of course, we can only imagine.
Later after some surgery Tim returned home where he watched 9 hours of Leno, before going to sleep.