Preventer

April 4, 2010

What do you do, when you wake up in the morning and look in a mirror but don’t see yourself? My sky blue eyes…. now black, lined with red veins. My short, neat blonde hair, now brown and greasy and reaching my shoulders. My nails once pink and perfect, now overgrown and filled with dirt. Once bright clean teeth, now yellow and rotted.

What do you do, when you wake up in the morning and can’t even recognize yourself? How does one become this way. How can ones life turn so wrong? One day a normal life, normal friends. Next day being through as much loss as one can. Losing wife and kids. Parents and grandparents. Brothers and sisters. Killed. Slaughtered in a fashion so disgusting if I was to describe it you might cry. And what for? For being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Seeing the wrong crime being committed. Dying because someone else couldn’t be fucked to kill them elsewhere.

On the run. Living off scraps of McDonalds. Running from my own shadow, hiding from my own reflection…

No. I couldn’t live like this. I was going to start a new. I got a job. Not the greatest. Then what is great about whoring yourself out… I had the money… I had it. I bought a ticket and was on my way out of here. This plane would take me far away. Away from my sorrows and pain. Away from my fear and confusion. As I sat thinking of the plane I’d be on tomorrow it began to rain. I stood up enjoying the cool water splashing against my skin. The water washed away my fears, my confusion, my sorrows, my pain. It washed away my dirt. It cleaned me. As I looked up to the heavens the water stung my eyes. No more…

I caught my plane. I caught my plane on the 11th of the 9th.

It burned away my fears. It burned away my confusion, my sorrows and my pain. It burned away my life. My sad pitiful pathetic life. At least… I wish it did…. I wish this story was true… some facts are. But the cold hard truth…. My story it’s… it’s much worse.

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